At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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