the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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