So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
