i would punch a child for taco bell
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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