Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
