It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
