I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
