i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i love accidental penises.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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