Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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