by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
