Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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