Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
