suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
