She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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