From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
