So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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