Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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