We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
