i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
