the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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