at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
