You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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