she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
