10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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