if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
