Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
