So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
