its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
