Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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