did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
