and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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