I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
