just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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