i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
