that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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