Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
