Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
