please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
