my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My vagina is officially offended.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
