dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize