I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
