K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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