why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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