I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
