oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
