It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
