so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
