His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My penis needs a shock collar
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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