Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
