Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
