I think I am morally bankrupt
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize