Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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