After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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