Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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