i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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