whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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