OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
