You work out of a Hotel?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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