I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize