So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
