school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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