You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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