I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
