my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The uberlube is also flammable
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
