Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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