i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
