Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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