a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize