Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
