I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
