If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize