I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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