When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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