drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
