The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
