Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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