look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize