I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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