I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
