Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
