Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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