my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
