What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
