imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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