my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dick very happy bro
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