oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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