Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
