I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
vagina is talking i cant
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
