He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
