i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
