Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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