I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
