I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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