Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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