what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
