the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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