Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
