Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize