sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
